Every Tuesday!
Chest Hair
@ Creek & Cave LIC

March 15th
Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, PA
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March 29th
College Humor Live
UCB NY

April 11th -15th
Portland, OR
Bridgetown Comedy Fest

Writer/Director's Reel

Friday, April 20th

I’ll be doing Hannibal Burress’s show at The Knitting Factory in Brooklyn this Sunday. Al Jackson is guest hosting, Phoebe Robinson and Nick Turner are also on the bill. There’s always a crazy drop-in on this show. Do it for yourself.

Monday, April 9th

Here’s where I’ll be in Portland, OR this week for the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. These lineups are SICK, bro!

Also, you need to talk more about your feelings.

Wednesday, April 4th

Looks like we’re rounding the corner of act two in the dystopian future movie we’re all living in real time. If these things become a reality, you can go ahead and count me out, I’m going off the grid. Please stay out of my eyes, Google.

Link to this...
Tuesday, April 3rd

This is a segment where I write a fake article, using a real headline. Enjoy it. This is the first and possibly last.

FRED DURST THREATENS TO FIRE MEMBERS OF LIMP BIZKIT

The weird, aging lead singer of the once surprisingly popular rap-rock band Limp Bizkit told TMZ that he’s considering firing two members of the band: the guy that pretends to DJ and the guy that wears black contacts. Durst says that a few issues are the cause of the pending split, but at the forefront is a difference in style. “I’m always wearing a backwards baseball cap, and it’s gotta be red. Because it has to match my other shit. But the other day, the guy in my band with the black contacts walks in wearin’ the same shit. And I’m like ‘wha?’ So, it’s time to call it off.” said Durst.

We tried to get in touch with the DJ guy, but he declined to comment on the situation. When we asked Durst what the black contact lens guy and the DJ dude thought of the whole thing, he said “Well, the other issue is money. It’s like, I was doing this all for the nookie, but now I’m doing it for money. I’m just sick of these dudes dippin’ in my camo cargo pockets non-stop.”

Durst continued “Those guys are still into partying too. They live the rockstar lifestyle, but I can’t do that anymore. I’ve run out of arm space for more graffiti-influenced tattoos, and I think I have kids. I’m into juice fasts now, and it’s working. I haven’t wanted to break stuff in a while.”

That’s great, Fred, but maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to destroy this. There’s a whole casino circuit you guys could be playing in the next few years if you just tough it out, and if you don’t, Iowa’s premier Limp Bizkit cover band, “The Chocolate Starfishes,” will be there to fill your shell toes.