Me as a real estate agent, selling my dog on places to poop.

I’m an elder millennial so I’ve been here for most of this shit. I’ve logged on to Prodigy, emailed people with Juno, and learned to talk to girls on AOL. (Some of them were Delia’s models. All of them were actually old men.)

I’ve had accounts on every social media platform from Friendster to Threads. I’ve been featured on the MySpace Comedy page, the front page of YouTube, and the top of BuzzFeed. I had a tweet that activated an army of Euphoria fans. I had a Tumblr that went viral and became a book. I’ve got reels and TikToks with millions of views. And it’s all fun, but I’ve been to this bar before. They put up new lights and brought in a Golden Tee machine, but it still smells weird and the bathroom floor is soggy.

I’ll still use social media, but in a FUN, cool way! Not the way where you put day-job level effort into it in the hopes it will result in a financial or emotional payday.

I think I’d rather just blog. Like on my own website. I don’t need subscribers. I don’t even need you to read this! It’s hosted on a server I’ve paid for the last fifteen years. If you want to pay me you can Venmo me I guess. (@jimtews)

Sorry for bragging about my internet achievements earlier. It was really uncomfortable for me, but it felt like it was important to making the point (that I’m awesome at the internet.)

– XOXO Gossip Girl